It's a possibility like you said just now. I want to be together, obviously, but we might not be.
[Prompto has never said so outright, but he must have considered how much less of a burden a relationship without Nero would be.
And with their last conversation going poorly after Prompto pointed out he wasn't sure things would ever not be weird between them and not knowing if he'd come back home permanently, it was hard for him not to think that way. Which is why he even bothered mentioning wanting a little reassurance. If even that wasn't happening..
He shakes his head, refusing to get caught up in that negative thought pattern again.]
If you think it'll help. It feel like we've been doing that this past week anyway. [Nero's not thrilled about the suggestion, but like he said he's willing to do whatever it takes to have them get back to what they had before.]
[ He's back to that initial feeling of frustration and fear, the one where he never comes back here once he leaves. The one where he isn't with Nero, that they're not even friends, and because of what? Because he couldn't handle something as simple as what his boyfriend actually is? Does that make him a hypocrite? There are just too many questions and not enough answers, sitting quietly for what seems like an eternity before everything just breaks. ]
Has any of this helped? [ Prompto forces his voice to remain as steady as he can make it. ] I don't wanna keep making all the choices, Nero. It's not just me. It's you too.
[ So does that mean he's been selfish this entire time? He squeezes his eyes shut. ]
Maybe this was a bad idea. [ As much as he hates to say it. ]
[Nero wants to say no. It hasn't helped at all, and that being apart from Prompto is pointless if they want to be with each other. But, on the more grounded, realistic side, it's helped him in a lot of other ways. He's learning to control his abilities, he's learning to not be so codependent, and he's learning that if they did break up that maybe it wouldn't be the end of the world.
They had their moments. Most of which were incredibly good, but if they couldn't get back to a place where that was possible again, he's learned that he can't cling to Prompto out of selfishness if it would mean only one of them was happy. Either they both were, or no deal.]
Which part? I don't know what you're asking me. My choice has never changed. I want you to come back home, I want things to be back to normal. Our normal. The only difference is that now I don't want that if it means you'll be unhappy.
[ It feels like goodbye, and he doesn't know what to do about it. ]
The part where I came over. Or maybe the part where I thought we'd be okay. [ He clenches his teeth a little. Does he even have any right to be this upset about what's happening? What's even going on? ] This doesn't feel okay to me. I know I'm hurting you.
[ Because even if Nero's Devil Trigger had scared him, all of the scratches and physical trauma had long since disappeared. So, how is he any better if he's not willing to come back and make everything normal again? Why can't everything just be easy? Why couldn't he grab Nero by the shirt and drag him to bed so they could make up the way they always do? ]
And nothing I really say is gonna make it better either. [ No, that's not good enough. He lifts a hand to rub at the side of his cheek. It's not a compromise by any means, but he's going to make himself do it. ] If you want me here, I'll try harder to be here.
If you thought it would be okay, you never really communicated that. [Nero guesses this is what it takes to get that out of Prompto for some reason. It's frustrating, but he doesn't really have room for frustration when things seem so up in the air. He feels like he's holding his breath waiting for confirmation that it was going to end.]
Prompto, I'm a mess. I'm always hurting. I'm pretty much used to it. [Everyone leaves him. He's never good enough. All the other things he tells himself over and over that most people don't know about.]
For once I'm not asking you to make it better. [Nero can see that there's something else Prompto isn't saying, so he reaches up to pull that hand away from his cheek and holds it instead.] I always want you here. Just...not if you don't want to be. I can be strong on my own if you need to be without me. Like I keep saying, I can wait for you to be ready. Don't..don't just do it if you're forcing yourself to make me happy.
[ The moment Nero takes his hand is the moment Prompto feels everything overwhelm and break open, keeping his eyes shut as he leans forward to press his face into the other's shoulder and then his chest. He doesn't want to cry, but it's not like he can help it if it happens, his other hand fisting in Nero's shirt to hold him close. Now, more than ever, he knows he couldn't leave him, and if that ruins them both, then so be it. ]
That's not how it's supposed to be. [ The words are soft, sniffing in an attempt to keep his composure. ] We should lean on each other, especially when something's wrong. I can't... I don't want to give up on this because we couldn't figure it out. Please —
[ He honestly doesn't know what he's even trying to say now. Mostly, he's just bothered by the idea that Nero suffers even when they're together. ]
I want to be here. I want to be with you. I guess I really do need more time though. [ Not a lot, just some. ] But that doesn't mean I don't wanna spend time with you.
[Oh no, not boyfriend tears. He's weak against those no matter what the situation. Nero's heart feels like it's being squeezed when Prompto presses his face to his chest. The sniffling is what gives him away, but he doesn't know what to do to comfort him. All he can offer is a tight squeeze as his arms hold the blond closer against him.]
I know. I want it to be that way, but I'm always the one leaning on you. Every time. You shouldn't have to carry my burdens all he time. I want to help carry yours too. Okay?
[Since Prompto's face is so well tucked away, Nero rests his face on top of unruly strands of hair.]
Then take whatever time you need. I'm gonna want you as long as you'll have me, so say the word when you're ready to come back. I would wait a dozen lifetimes for you, asshole, so please...don't cry. Okay?
[He brings Prompto's hand to his face to kiss it quickly.] I love you.
[ It's sweet, all things considered. Even if Prompto doesn't think it should be like this since he's the one causing all this unnecessary drama, he still clings to it and holds onto Nero as tightly as he can with one arm. There will be plenty of time to figure it all out for real when there isn't so much stress pulling at them, smothering the strangled little laugh that escapes him at being called an asshole. Classic Nero, but at least it's something familiar. ]
Yeah... [ No real promises on actually crying though. ] I love you too.
[ There's no tension strung through him when he says those words, still hesitant but very much spoken. Prompto knows he doesn't say that enough either, but every time he does, it opens him up to the possibility that Nero won't be here with him in the following days. It also sounds incredibly strange saying it out loud, he's found, but if it's what Nero needs, then Prompto will give it to him. Because that's how relationships work. Right? ]
Would it be weird if we stayed like this all night? [ He might be exaggerating a little, buuut. ]
[That laughter had to be a good sign. It was the best he’s gotten in a long time, so he’d take it. Maybe they were going to be okay after all.
And then Prompto drops an L-bomb and Nero becomes a jumbled mess, stumbling over his words awkwardly when he tries to respond. Clearly it was the last thing he expected to hear. Unable to think of anything other than repeating those words right back at Prompto, he lifts up his boyfriend’s face to kiss him.
It’s hard and needy, but nothing too intense for obvious reasons. He just didn’t know how else to express himself in the heat of the moment.]
My legs would fall asleep eventually, but I’d be okay with it. I figured you’d want to sleep in your own bed again, but I guess my lap is comfortable too.
[ He's not expecting the kiss, freezing up for a moment before he relaxes into the contact. That, too, he should have expected, and at least it doesn't bother him to do it. If it had, he wouldn't have known what to do then, but Prompto slowly presses close, encouraging Nero to kiss him again just before he chuckles softly between them. ]
Nah, it's not that. I just want you to hold me for a while.
[ Admittedly, it's probably pretty sappy, but he just wants to feel regular, normal Nero against him and not... yeah. The thought causes him to shiver for a second, shifting in Nero's lap to lean a little harder into him. He has to make up for lost time since it's been forever since the last time they were together. ]
I can hold you in bed later if you wanna trade. [ So Nero gets a turn at being the little spoon. ]
[Nero makes sure not to take it any further than that. This is fine. Holding Prompto is fine. He doesn't need to convince himself of it, but he does need to repeat the words in his head to stop himself from being greedy for more.]
I can hold you as long as you want.
[His hands smooth over the back of Prompto's shirt idly as he just quietly appreciates being able to feel his breathing. And if he closes his eyes, even his heartbeat. Or is that his own?]
Yeah, I've been looking forward to being able to sleep beside you again. [He admits that a bit sheepishly. Not usually one to sleep through the night properly anyway, not having Prompto beside him made it worse. No one to look at when he couldn't get back to bed, and definitely not having any arms or legs draped over him made it more tricky to fall asleep in the first place.]
[ Regardless of how he says it, Prompto returns the sentiment without a word, squeezing himself as close as physically possible and curling around Nero. For the first time since he'd left after seeing Nero change, he thinks it might really be okay, and it causes all the tension to bleed out of him, ignoring the sounds of the TV behind him as he sighs and appreciates the connection of every place that they touch.
He doesn't mind being alone, but what he'd told Noct when all of this had happened... He couldn't get through any of this without Nero because he's the only one who remembers – even if a little – what Duplicity was like. That's the sort of stability he needs, and he's pretty sure Nero needs it too. ]
Then don't let me go.
[ It's soft, pressing a kiss to the underside of his jaw and surprisingly content. ]
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burstmodes) wrote2019-12-19 08:48 am
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prismatica )
no subject
[Prompto has never said so outright, but he must have considered how much less of a burden a relationship without Nero would be.
And with their last conversation going poorly after Prompto pointed out he wasn't sure things would ever not be weird between them and not knowing if he'd come back home permanently, it was hard for him not to think that way. Which is why he even bothered mentioning wanting a little reassurance. If even that wasn't happening..
He shakes his head, refusing to get caught up in that negative thought pattern again.]
If you think it'll help. It feel like we've been doing that this past week anyway. [Nero's not thrilled about the suggestion, but like he said he's willing to do whatever it takes to have them get back to what they had before.]
I'll do anything you want.
no subject
Has any of this helped? [ Prompto forces his voice to remain as steady as he can make it. ] I don't wanna keep making all the choices, Nero. It's not just me. It's you too.
[ So does that mean he's been selfish this entire time? He squeezes his eyes shut. ]
Maybe this was a bad idea. [ As much as he hates to say it. ]
no subject
They had their moments. Most of which were incredibly good, but if they couldn't get back to a place where that was possible again, he's learned that he can't cling to Prompto out of selfishness if it would mean only one of them was happy. Either they both were, or no deal.]
Which part? I don't know what you're asking me. My choice has never changed. I want you to come back home, I want things to be back to normal. Our normal. The only difference is that now I don't want that if it means you'll be unhappy.
no subject
The part where I came over. Or maybe the part where I thought we'd be okay. [ He clenches his teeth a little. Does he even have any right to be this upset about what's happening? What's even going on? ] This doesn't feel okay to me. I know I'm hurting you.
[ Because even if Nero's Devil Trigger had scared him, all of the scratches and physical trauma had long since disappeared. So, how is he any better if he's not willing to come back and make everything normal again? Why can't everything just be easy? Why couldn't he grab Nero by the shirt and drag him to bed so they could make up the way they always do? ]
And nothing I really say is gonna make it better either. [ No, that's not good enough. He lifts a hand to rub at the side of his cheek. It's not a compromise by any means, but he's going to make himself do it. ] If you want me here, I'll try harder to be here.
no subject
Prompto, I'm a mess. I'm always hurting. I'm pretty much used to it. [Everyone leaves him. He's never good enough. All the other things he tells himself over and over that most people don't know about.]
For once I'm not asking you to make it better. [Nero can see that there's something else Prompto isn't saying, so he reaches up to pull that hand away from his cheek and holds it instead.] I always want you here. Just...not if you don't want to be. I can be strong on my own if you need to be without me. Like I keep saying, I can wait for you to be ready. Don't..don't just do it if you're forcing yourself to make me happy.
no subject
That's not how it's supposed to be. [ The words are soft, sniffing in an attempt to keep his composure. ] We should lean on each other, especially when something's wrong. I can't... I don't want to give up on this because we couldn't figure it out. Please —
[ He honestly doesn't know what he's even trying to say now. Mostly, he's just bothered by the idea that Nero suffers even when they're together. ]
I want to be here. I want to be with you. I guess I really do need more time though. [ Not a lot, just some. ] But that doesn't mean I don't wanna spend time with you.
sorry if typo, tagging from comfy bed
I know. I want it to be that way, but I'm always the one leaning on you. Every time. You shouldn't have to carry my burdens all he time. I want to help carry yours too. Okay?
[Since Prompto's face is so well tucked away, Nero rests his face on top of unruly strands of hair.]
Then take whatever time you need. I'm gonna want you as long as you'll have me, so say the word when you're ready to come back. I would wait a dozen lifetimes for you, asshole, so please...don't cry. Okay?
[He brings Prompto's hand to his face to kiss it quickly.] I love you.
💖
Yeah... [ No real promises on actually crying though. ] I love you too.
[ There's no tension strung through him when he says those words, still hesitant but very much spoken. Prompto knows he doesn't say that enough either, but every time he does, it opens him up to the possibility that Nero won't be here with him in the following days. It also sounds incredibly strange saying it out loud, he's found, but if it's what Nero needs, then Prompto will give it to him. Because that's how relationships work. Right? ]
Would it be weird if we stayed like this all night? [ He might be exaggerating a little, buuut. ]
no subject
And then Prompto drops an L-bomb and Nero becomes a jumbled mess, stumbling over his words awkwardly when he tries to respond. Clearly it was the last thing he expected to hear. Unable to think of anything other than repeating those words right back at Prompto, he lifts up his boyfriend’s face to kiss him.
It’s hard and needy, but nothing too intense for obvious reasons. He just didn’t know how else to express himself in the heat of the moment.]
My legs would fall asleep eventually, but I’d be okay with it. I figured you’d want to sleep in your own bed again, but I guess my lap is comfortable too.
no subject
Nah, it's not that. I just want you to hold me for a while.
[ Admittedly, it's probably pretty sappy, but he just wants to feel regular, normal Nero against him and not... yeah. The thought causes him to shiver for a second, shifting in Nero's lap to lean a little harder into him. He has to make up for lost time since it's been forever since the last time they were together. ]
I can hold you in bed later if you wanna trade. [ So Nero gets a turn at being the little spoon. ]
no subject
I can hold you as long as you want.
[His hands smooth over the back of Prompto's shirt idly as he just quietly appreciates being able to feel his breathing. And if he closes his eyes, even his heartbeat. Or is that his own?]
Yeah, I've been looking forward to being able to sleep beside you again. [He admits that a bit sheepishly. Not usually one to sleep through the night properly anyway, not having Prompto beside him made it worse. No one to look at when he couldn't get back to bed, and definitely not having any arms or legs draped over him made it more tricky to fall asleep in the first place.]
no subject
He doesn't mind being alone, but what he'd told Noct when all of this had happened... He couldn't get through any of this without Nero because he's the only one who remembers – even if a little – what Duplicity was like. That's the sort of stability he needs, and he's pretty sure Nero needs it too. ]
Then don't let me go.
[ It's soft, pressing a kiss to the underside of his jaw and surprisingly content. ]