Because of me? I guess it just doesn't feel that way for me. The two of you get along well and are closer, and I.. feel like the odd one out. V and I are hot and cold on our best days.
[He's actually not sure how close Prompto and V are or aren't. Most of this is presumption on his part, but it's not like they every really talked much about it anyway. Partially his own fault, most likely.]
I don't want you to share me if you don't want to. Which is weird because I feel like the one who's sharing you, but it's probably a matter of perspective?
I know it isn't going to be easy. I'm not trying to quit after we agreed to try. I just wanted [ to torture you and myself with my paranoia.] to understand. I'm sure it'll be fine.
[ This is literally why he hates talking about anything. Explaining himself or his feelings is just too hard. ]
yeah because of you otherwise... i dunno i guess we'd just be friends or people who talk sometimes we're not as close as you think not yet anyway and that's why we're supposed to try this out see where it goes
besides you guys have a lot more history than me since you're from the same place and all stuff like that's just gonna happen but i'll try to help you understand if you tell me what you don't get
Oh, I thought for sure you two were closer than that. I guess I’m mixing up here and Duplicity.. And assuming shit that I shouldn’t..
A lot of that history is not based on honesty though, but.. I want to understand how you feel. I want to know that you’re not doing this because I’m not enough for you..
[ Prompto stares at that message like he's been blindsided, the clench in his chest more than enough to keep his fingers still for several long minutes. What the hell. ]
why would you even say something like that have i done something to make you think that? and i don't mean this whole thing with v
Well I hadn’t had the thought before. At least not to the point where I feel like I have to know if it’s true. If you do, I wouldn’t be upset. I just want to know. I don’t want to feel left in the dark about things. Not these things.
Sorry for not dismissing it as a stupid stray thought now that we’ve agreed to add a whole other person to our relationship. Which, by the way is fine if that’s what you really want. I promise. We can make it work if you think it can. You said you’re doing it to make me happy, but I was already happy with you. I want you to know that, and I guess I wanted to know that you were happy with me too.
Which is fucked up to ask now that I’m typing it..
I’m sorry. I don’t think I know what I want either.
i know that but i also know how you feel about v and obviously he feels something for you i never thought about it as needing it to be happier cuz i thought we were already it's just... i dunno more?
[ That last part though... it really hurts, and now he's upset about a text that probably wouldn't have meant as much if they'd been talking about this in person. ]
[He looks at that last message for a while, not knowing how to respond at first. It’s hard to tell if Prompto is annoyed, upset, or something else just via text on a small screen.]
I’m sorry. I’ll take a few days and try to figure my shit out. It’s not fair that I keep throwing it at you and expecting you to make everything better for me.
[He starts to type “love you” but decides against it. Putting anyone else on the emotional roller coaster ride he’s on is shitty. They’d talk about it later.]
i never thought about it like that but you CAN talk to me i can't really tell if you're mad at me or v or yourself or maybe all three
i'm here if you need me though
[ Which is saying a lot considering how upset he is about all of this, maybe a little confused too, but... this kind of thing is a lot to get used to. Maybe he'd just figured it would be easy since he thought this was really what Nero had wanted. ]
[Talking to Prompto tended to help just about all the time. Too bad he felt like a complete downer and burden every time he had to talk about anything bothering him. Probably doesn’t help that he’s so aggressive about it either.
So in general he’s feeling pretty crappy for a few hours before he responds. No matter how mad at himself he is, there’s no way he can avoid someone he lived with for very long. Sure he’s ashamed of himself but it’s not enough to keep him from trying to make sure Prompto knows that he knows what he wants when it comes to him.]
Where are you? We should talk about this in person. I don’t like how this feels...
[ And in that span of a few hours, when it's clear that Nero isn't going to message him back, Prompto... well. He sorts through all of their things and cleans their apartment. He'd never been particular about it, not so much a neat freak either, but the moving helps burn off the anxiety that comes from wanting to obsessively check his phone. Then, when he's done with that and still feels as if he has more energy to expend, he changes into some yoga pants and a light jacket to run.
He's in the middle of cooling down when he gets those alerts and frowns at the messages. ]
level 2 somewhere went for a run i'll head back to our place if you wanna meet me
[He grabs a cheeseburger and fries to go as something of a peace offering before heading back to their place. On the way he formulates and rejects at least a dozen ways to apologize, but when he’s actually letting himself inside he’s no closer to knowing what he’ll say than when he left.]
[ Prompto doesn't respond, deciding to take his time getting back, but even that doesn't have him losing to Nero, wandering into the kitchen for water as he sits and tries to catch his breath. He's sweaty, in definite need of a shower, and yet, he doesn't move from his seat even when he hears the door open and Nero's voice echo through their place.
This is such a stupid thing to be upset about; he doesn't even know why this is happening. ]
Yeah, in here. [ He calls out, taking another drink and making an effort to joke. ] Something light I hope...
[He puts the paper bag onto Prompro’s lap and takes a seat right next to him. Nero’s not bothered by sweat in the least. Especially not when he has something important he desperately wants to say.]
When I said I didn’t know what I wanted.. I wanted to make it clear that I want you. I always have and that won’t change. My brain just goes to weird places and I have a hard time seeing the obvious. I know you were happy with me. I shouldn’t have questioned that.
[He has a lot of buts and howevers, but this wasn’t the time for them. His insecurities shouldn’t have been the kindling to the fire of his baseless assumptions.]
Anyway, I was wrong, and an asshole. So I’m sorry..
[ Ah... there it is. Prompto exhales, moving the bag to plop it on the counter next to his water. At least they're talking about this and not letting it build and build between them so that it eventually cascaded and affected V too. A shake of his head, and he's on his feet to press into Nero's personal space, sliding his arms around his shoulders.
Yeah, sorry, he's pretty sweaty, but he's going to kiss him anyway. ]
I never thought that you didn't want me. I think... I guess I thought this thing with V would've been something you'd really wanna explore and not get worked up about. [ He kisses the corner of his mouth. ] If you need some time to think about it, I'll talk to V.
[ It's the least he could do, fingers raking through Nero's hair. ]
[Nero's personal space is half Prompto's as far as he's concerned. He doesn't mind the closeness at all, but he's more aware of the sweat now that Prompto is this close. Doesn't make him any less willing to pull his boyfriend onto his lap, though.]
I think it sounds good on paper, but I don't know if I'm worth the trouble of it all. [Which is not to say he doesn't want to try. He just doesn't know if he's mentally strong enough to manage. The last thing he wants to do is ruin his friendship with V or whatever there might be between V and Prompto. It was painful to admit, but it might save him from ruining it for other people.]
Yeah. I have to think about a lot of things. I want to try for you, but if this isn't for you then I'm not so sure.
[Prompto's apology takes his from the track he was going down, but he interrupts to shake his head.] No, it's fine. There's not really anything you need to be sorry about.
[ Is this what it's like to deal with him when he's insecure? Prompto isn't exactly sure it's that though, sliding into Nero's lap and resting his forehead on his shoulder for a moment. He needs to think too, especially since his run hadn't solved anything, and he leans into him, listening to the sound of his voice. ]
You should try for you too. And it's not a set in stone thing anyway. You know that, right? [ Prompto shifts to look at Nero. ] If it doesn't work out, then we'll deal with that when it happens. It's just about having fun and seeing where it goes. [ A soft kiss, and their noses bump. ] Anything else you wanna get off your chest?
[ His fingers slip down, lightly playing with the collar of Nero's shirt. ]
[It's not anything like that!! Then again Nero is a little obsessed with his boyfriend if he's honest with himself. So the moments when Prompto feels insecure it makes him feel needed to be able to help him. Or to be depended on in any way, really.
On the other hand when he's being insecure, he clearly has a tendency to say things that would easily hurt the feelings of the person that's both stated and proven that his presumptions are categorically false. Nero's brain was just in need of retraining.]
Yeah, I know. [He tilts his head back a little when Prompto kisses him, closing his eyes for a moment. There is a lot on his mind, but it's all stuff he has to think through on his own. His hands run along his boyfriend's thighs for a moment before he shakes his head and takes off his shirt.]
I just get weird when I think I might lose you. Do you forgive me? [When he's shirtless and their faces are this close, it's very obviously a loaded question.]
[ Honestly, Prompto has no idea what's even happening right now, squirming a little in Nero's lap with those touches and wondering if he should protest Nero stripping him out of his shirt. He's sitting in his lap in nothing but a thin pair of yoga pants and socks, and he's asking about forgiveness? Loaded question or not, Prompto just stays still and looks at him. ]
Who're you gonna lose me to? This isn't just a me and V thing. It's an all of us thing. [ He gently pokes his chest, shifting forward to kiss the other side of his mouth. ] That means you too.
[ There's a low sigh. ]
But it's okay. I'm not mad at you or anything. [ So yes, he's forgiven. ]
[If Prompto did protest, Nero would stop, no questions asked. After all the energy between them not so long ago was turbulent at least. His hands feel that his boyfriend's body is still a little sweaty when there's no shirt in the way. When it takes a moment for him to respond to the question, Nero pauses, dabbing at the blond's chest and shoulders like he's only thinking about getting his sweat off. It's probably the best option to save face if it turns out he's not into it at the moment.]
I think I'm just slow... My brain still wants to think of him as competition. Even if that's an outdated feeling. I think it's gonna take time to replace that with new, less insecure, good things. I mean, there's other good things too--I still like him. I just.. [He shakes his head, not knowing if he's even making sense until Prompto kisses him.]
Not at all? [Nero asks, making sure because the next thing he does is pull off his own shirt before drawing his boyfriend into another kiss.] I've never done this three person thing before.
[ Prompto shrugs, leaning into his hand as he wipes the sweat off and paying more attention to the words than the actual motion. At least for now. ]
I've never done it either. I think the biggest thing is trying to trust each other and talk about it though. And sure, I have feelings for V [ and a lot of other people ] but I also care about you too, Nero. A lot. [ Prompto sinks into the kiss for a moment, shifting to press a little closer, and if he wasn't so used to Nero's antics in trying to get him casually naked, he'd probably be worried. ] So – try not to let it get to you too much, okay? I don't think we wanna hurt each other doing this.
[ That's the impression he'd gotten from V when they'd spoken alone and together, which is what he hopes Nero comes away with. But for now, Prompto gives in and slides his arms around him, straddling him so he can press his knees into the outer side of Nero's thighs. He kisses his neck and shoulder, along his collarbone to the other shoulder and nuzzles into him. ]
[Hearing that Prompto has feelings for V doesn't surprise him at all even if it was technically the first time he's actually said so in conversation. Nero came to that conclusion long before based on a lot of little things he'd picked up on in Duplicity and here when they learned that V also existed in this place. So it doesn't trouble him.]
A lot? Hm. [He knows pushing any further would risk them getting back into an argument again so he holds back from asking if Prompto cares for him the most. It seems childish to want to know, so he refrains despite himself.] Yeah, I'll try. [Nero nods in agreement, maybe just quickly wanting to leave that whole conversation behind them in favor of other things.]
I wouldn't have agreed to any of it if I thought we wanted to hurt each other intentionally. It's the unintentional backlash that's dangerous. I think it'll be fine once we get used to each other like this.
[The very moment Prompto seems to give in and press closer, Nero drops the topic like a hot potato and his hands grab at the blond's ass while he rocks up against him with urgency that might make sense now that Prompto could likely feel the beginnings of his arousal. He can't really explain it. It would sound crazy. "I'm sorry, I just love you so much that the thought of not losing you turned me on." Yeah, he'll keep that to himself too.]
[ If he didn't care about him the most, would they even be together like this? Prompto never thinks about those things though, figuring that actions should always peak louder than words, and it's why whatever response he has to what Nero's saying is cut short, feeling that hardness against him and humming a soft sound in the back of his throat. They really should talk more about all of this, not just fool around in their kitchen like it's another day of the week, but... Maybe this is what they both need after all the stress of the last forty-eight hours, grinding back against him as his arms tighten around him. ]
Should I show you how much I like you?
[ It's very obviously a tease, nipping at Nero's bottom lip and kissing at his jaw. Down his neck, and he lets his teeth lightly scrape over his collarbone. Prompto shifts, sliding his palm between them and working open Nero's pants in an attempt to get his hand on him.
Would a blowjob fix everything? Doubtful, but at least it'd be a fun way to relax, which is exactly what Prompto wants. ]
[The more he comes to realize his insecurity, the easier it'll become to swat it away when it chooses to bubble up again. At least that's what he's hoping for. All he knows for sure in the moment is that he loves the man on his lap more than anything, and the last thing he'd want is to lose him or push him away.
So he pulls him closer until he's got lips on his, then his neck. It's all enough for him to forget that they're still in the kitchen.]
Show me, so I don't forget again. [He jokes right back, the corners of his mouth curling into a smile even before Prompto's hand takes him. Nero shifts his legs a bit further apart so its easier, never one to shy away from his boyfriend's attention. He doesn't feel like he can give him the access he needs like this, so he undoes the front of his jeans and pushes them downward enough that they're out of the way. But yes, his bare ass is now on the kitchen chair.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
burstmodes) wrote2019-12-19 08:48 am
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
prismatica )
no subject
I guess it just doesn't feel that way for me.
The two of you get along well and are closer, and I.. feel like the odd one out.
V and I are hot and cold on our best days.
[He's actually not sure how close Prompto and V are or aren't. Most of this is presumption on his part, but it's not like they every really talked much about it anyway. Partially his own fault, most likely.]
I don't want you to share me if you don't want to.
Which is weird because I feel like the one who's sharing you, but it's probably a matter of perspective?
I know it isn't going to be easy. I'm not trying to quit after we agreed to try.
I just wanted [ to torture you and myself with my paranoia.] to understand.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
no subject
yeah because of you
otherwise... i dunno
i guess we'd just be friends or people who talk sometimes
we're not as close as you think
not yet anyway and that's why we're supposed to try this out
see where it goes
besides you guys have a lot more history than me
since you're from the same place and all
stuff like that's just gonna happen
but i'll try to help you understand if you tell me what you don't get
i’m sorry lmao
And assuming shit that I shouldn’t..
A lot of that history is not based on honesty though, but..
I want to understand how you feel.
I want to know that you’re not doing this because I’m not enough for you..
yeets self off a cliff
why would you even say something like that
have i done something to make you think that?
and i don't mean this whole thing with v
no subject
At least not to the point where I feel like I have to know if it’s true.
If you do, I wouldn’t be upset. I just want to know. I don’t want to feel left in the dark about things.
Not these things.
no subject
[ Shit, he didn't mean to type that. Now he's frustrated with himself. ]
i know you nero
you'd be upset or you'd do stuff like this
i really don't know what you want from me
[ ... he didn't mean to type that either, but oh well. There it is. ]
no subject
Which, by the way is fine if that’s what you really want. I promise. We can make it work if you think it can.
You said you’re doing it to make me happy, but I was already happy with you. I want you to know that, and I guess I wanted to know that you were happy with me too.
Which is fucked up to ask now that I’m typing it..
I’m sorry. I don’t think I know what I want either.
no subject
but i also know how you feel about v and obviously he feels something for you
i never thought about it as needing it to be happier cuz i thought we were already
it's just... i dunno
more?
[ That last part though... it really hurts, and now he's upset about a text that probably wouldn't have meant as much if they'd been talking about this in person. ]
maybe you should figure that out
no subject
Well, I should know that.
[He looks at that last message for a while, not knowing how to respond at first. It’s hard to tell if Prompto is annoyed, upset, or something else just via text on a small screen.]
I’m sorry. I’ll take a few days and try to figure my shit out. It’s not fair that I keep throwing it at you and expecting you to make everything better for me.
[He starts to type “love you” but decides against it. Putting anyone else on the emotional roller coaster ride he’s on is shitty. They’d talk about it later.]
no subject
but you CAN talk to me
i can't really tell if you're mad at me or v or yourself or maybe all three
i'm here if you need me though
[ Which is saying a lot considering how upset he is about all of this, maybe a little confused too, but... this kind of thing is a lot to get used to. Maybe he'd just figured it would be easy since he thought this was really what Nero had wanted. ]
no subject
So in general he’s feeling pretty crappy for a few hours before he responds. No matter how mad at himself he is, there’s no way he can avoid someone he lived with for very long. Sure he’s ashamed of himself but it’s not enough to keep him from trying to make sure Prompto knows that he knows what he wants when it comes to him.]
Where are you? We should talk about this in person.
I don’t like how this feels...
no subject
He's in the middle of cooling down when he gets those alerts and frowns at the messages. ]
level 2 somewhere
went for a run
i'll head back to our place if you wanna meet me
no subject
[He grabs a cheeseburger and fries to go as something of a peace offering before heading back to their place. On the way he formulates and rejects at least a dozen ways to apologize, but when he’s actually letting himself inside he’s no closer to knowing what he’ll say than when he left.]
You here yet? I brought you some food.
no subject
This is such a stupid thing to be upset about; he doesn't even know why this is happening. ]
Yeah, in here. [ He calls out, taking another drink and making an effort to joke. ] Something light I hope...
no subject
[He puts the paper bag onto Prompro’s lap and takes a seat right next to him. Nero’s not bothered by sweat in the least. Especially not when he has something important he desperately wants to say.]
When I said I didn’t know what I wanted.. I wanted to make it clear that I want you. I always have and that won’t change. My brain just goes to weird places and I have a hard time seeing the obvious. I know you were happy with me. I shouldn’t have questioned that.
[He has a lot of buts and howevers, but this wasn’t the time for them. His insecurities shouldn’t have been the kindling to the fire of his baseless assumptions.]
Anyway, I was wrong, and an asshole. So I’m sorry..
no subject
Yeah, sorry, he's pretty sweaty, but he's going to kiss him anyway. ]
I never thought that you didn't want me. I think... I guess I thought this thing with V would've been something you'd really wanna explore and not get worked up about. [ He kisses the corner of his mouth. ] If you need some time to think about it, I'll talk to V.
[ It's the least he could do, fingers raking through Nero's hair. ]
I'm sorry too.
no subject
I think it sounds good on paper, but I don't know if I'm worth the trouble of it all. [Which is not to say he doesn't want to try. He just doesn't know if he's mentally strong enough to manage. The last thing he wants to do is ruin his friendship with V or whatever there might be between V and Prompto. It was painful to admit, but it might save him from ruining it for other people.]
Yeah. I have to think about a lot of things. I want to try for you, but if this isn't for you then I'm not so sure.
[Prompto's apology takes his from the track he was going down, but he interrupts to shake his head.] No, it's fine. There's not really anything you need to be sorry about.
no subject
You should try for you too. And it's not a set in stone thing anyway. You know that, right? [ Prompto shifts to look at Nero. ] If it doesn't work out, then we'll deal with that when it happens. It's just about having fun and seeing where it goes. [ A soft kiss, and their noses bump. ] Anything else you wanna get off your chest?
[ His fingers slip down, lightly playing with the collar of Nero's shirt. ]
I mean, if there's other stuff bothering you...
no subject
On the other hand when he's being insecure, he clearly has a tendency to say things that would easily hurt the feelings of the person that's both stated and proven that his presumptions are categorically false. Nero's brain was just in need of retraining.]
Yeah, I know. [He tilts his head back a little when Prompto kisses him, closing his eyes for a moment. There is a lot on his mind, but it's all stuff he has to think through on his own. His hands run along his boyfriend's thighs for a moment before he shakes his head and takes off his shirt.]
I just get weird when I think I might lose you. Do you forgive me? [When he's shirtless and their faces are this close, it's very obviously a loaded question.]
no subject
Who're you gonna lose me to? This isn't just a me and V thing. It's an all of us thing. [ He gently pokes his chest, shifting forward to kiss the other side of his mouth. ] That means you too.
[ There's a low sigh. ]
But it's okay. I'm not mad at you or anything. [ So yes, he's forgiven. ]
no subject
I think I'm just slow... My brain still wants to think of him as competition. Even if that's an outdated feeling. I think it's gonna take time to replace that with new, less insecure, good things. I mean, there's other good things too--I still like him. I just.. [He shakes his head, not knowing if he's even making sense until Prompto kisses him.]
Not at all? [Nero asks, making sure because the next thing he does is pull off his own shirt before drawing his boyfriend into another kiss.] I've never done this three person thing before.
no subject
I've never done it either. I think the biggest thing is trying to trust each other and talk about it though. And sure, I have feelings for V [ and a lot of other people ] but I also care about you too, Nero. A lot. [ Prompto sinks into the kiss for a moment, shifting to press a little closer, and if he wasn't so used to Nero's antics in trying to get him casually naked, he'd probably be worried. ] So – try not to let it get to you too much, okay? I don't think we wanna hurt each other doing this.
[ That's the impression he'd gotten from V when they'd spoken alone and together, which is what he hopes Nero comes away with. But for now, Prompto gives in and slides his arms around him, straddling him so he can press his knees into the outer side of Nero's thighs. He kisses his neck and shoulder, along his collarbone to the other shoulder and nuzzles into him. ]
no subject
A lot? Hm. [He knows pushing any further would risk them getting back into an argument again so he holds back from asking if Prompto cares for him the most. It seems childish to want to know, so he refrains despite himself.] Yeah, I'll try. [Nero nods in agreement, maybe just quickly wanting to leave that whole conversation behind them in favor of other things.]
I wouldn't have agreed to any of it if I thought we wanted to hurt each other intentionally. It's the unintentional backlash that's dangerous. I think it'll be fine once we get used to each other like this.
[The very moment Prompto seems to give in and press closer, Nero drops the topic like a hot potato and his hands grab at the blond's ass while he rocks up against him with urgency that might make sense now that Prompto could likely feel the beginnings of his arousal. He can't really explain it. It would sound crazy. "I'm sorry, I just love you so much that the thought of not losing you turned me on." Yeah, he'll keep that to himself too.]
no subject
Should I show you how much I like you?
[ It's very obviously a tease, nipping at Nero's bottom lip and kissing at his jaw. Down his neck, and he lets his teeth lightly scrape over his collarbone. Prompto shifts, sliding his palm between them and working open Nero's pants in an attempt to get his hand on him.
Would a blowjob fix everything? Doubtful, but at least it'd be a fun way to relax, which is exactly what Prompto wants. ]
no subject
So he pulls him closer until he's got lips on his, then his neck. It's all enough for him to forget that they're still in the kitchen.]
Show me, so I don't forget again. [He jokes right back, the corners of his mouth curling into a smile even before Prompto's hand takes him. Nero shifts his legs a bit further apart so its easier, never one to shy away from his boyfriend's attention. He doesn't feel like he can give him the access he needs like this, so he undoes the front of his jeans and pushes them downward enough that they're out of the way. But yes, his bare ass is now on the kitchen chair.]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)