burstmodes | ic contact ( prismatica )

oh yeah that'd make sense

[ And he's about to type something else when those texts roll in. ]

uh we haven't?
i mean not until the night that stuff happened
i hadn't even told him how i felt cuz well you know

i thought it was something you wanted

So it was just something that came up?

It's not that I don't want to try.
I donno, I guess I just hadn't thought about it and it felt sudden to me.
And I figured that might have been because you two had time to think about it and talk about it, because you were both on the same page and I was lost.
But then I thought it wouldn't be a bad idea and was interested, but maybe too interested also, and still on the wrong page..
I'm trying not to overthink it, because if I do, it's hard to wrap my head around.

i can't really speak for v but i think we're on the same page because of you
i care about you a lot nero and i thought
i guess i just want you to be happy even if that means sharing you with someone else you have feelings for

[ Which makes him a hypocrite because... well, there's still a lot he hasn't told Nero. Mainly about him and Noct. But Prompto refuses to voice those feelings to Nero when he hasn't even said them aloud, so it doesn't really matter. ]

if it's too hard we don't have to do it
you know that right?
i get it and i'm pretty sure v would understand too

Because of me?
I guess it just doesn't feel that way for me.
The two of you get along well and are closer, and I.. feel like the odd one out.
V and I are hot and cold on our best days.

[He's actually not sure how close Prompto and V are or aren't. Most of this is presumption on his part, but it's not like they every really talked much about it anyway. Partially his own fault, most likely.]

I don't want you to share me if you don't want to.
Which is weird because I feel like the one who's sharing you, but it's probably a matter of perspective?

I know it isn't going to be easy. I'm not trying to quit after we agreed to try.
I just wanted [ to torture you and myself with my paranoia.] to understand.
I'm sure it'll be fine.

[ This is literally why he hates talking about anything. Explaining himself or his feelings is just too hard. ]

yeah because of you
otherwise... i dunno
i guess we'd just be friends or people who talk sometimes
we're not as close as you think
not yet anyway and that's why we're supposed to try this out
see where it goes

besides you guys have a lot more history than me
since you're from the same place and all
stuff like that's just gonna happen
but i'll try to help you understand if you tell me what you don't get

Oh, I thought for sure you two were closer than that. I guess I’m mixing up here and Duplicity..
And assuming shit that I shouldn’t..

A lot of that history is not based on honesty though, but..
I want to understand how you feel.
I want to know that you’re not doing this because I’m not enough for you..

[ Prompto stares at that message like he's been blindsided, the clench in his chest more than enough to keep his fingers still for several long minutes. What the hell. ]

why would you even say something like that
have i done something to make you think that?
and i don't mean this whole thing with v

Well I hadn’t had the thought before.
At least not to the point where I feel like I have to know if it’s true.
If you do, I wouldn’t be upset. I just want to know. I don’t want to feel left in the dark about things.
Not these things.

you didn't have the thought before but you're having now?

[ Shit, he didn't mean to type that. Now he's frustrated with himself. ]

i know you nero
you'd be upset or you'd do stuff like this
i really don't know what you want from me

[ ... he didn't mean to type that either, but oh well. There it is. ]

Sorry for not dismissing it as a stupid stray thought now that we’ve agreed to add a whole other person to our relationship.
Which, by the way is fine if that’s what you really want. I promise. We can make it work if you think it can.
You said you’re doing it to make me happy, but I was already happy with you. I want you to know that, and I guess I wanted to know that you were happy with me too.

Which is fucked up to ask now that I’m typing it..

I’m sorry. I don’t think I know what I want either.

Edited 2020-03-09 15:42 (UTC)

i know that
but i also know how you feel about v and obviously he feels something for you
i never thought about it as needing it to be happier cuz i thought we were already
it's just... i dunno
more?

[ That last part though... it really hurts, and now he's upset about a text that probably wouldn't have meant as much if they'd been talking about this in person. ]

maybe you should figure that out

I know that.
Well, I should know that.

[He looks at that last message for a while, not knowing how to respond at first. It’s hard to tell if Prompto is annoyed, upset, or something else just via text on a small screen.]

I’m sorry. I’ll take a few days and try to figure my shit out. It’s not fair that I keep throwing it at you and expecting you to make everything better for me.

[He starts to type “love you” but decides against it. Putting anyone else on the emotional roller coaster ride he’s on is shitty. They’d talk about it later.]

i never thought about it like that
but you CAN talk to me
i can't really tell if you're mad at me or v or yourself or maybe all three

i'm here if you need me though

[ Which is saying a lot considering how upset he is about all of this, maybe a little confused too, but... this kind of thing is a lot to get used to. Maybe he'd just figured it would be easy since he thought this was really what Nero had wanted. ]

[Talking to Prompto tended to help just about all the time. Too bad he felt like a complete downer and burden every time he had to talk about anything bothering him. Probably doesn’t help that he’s so aggressive about it either.

So in general he’s feeling pretty crappy for a few hours before he responds. No matter how mad at himself he is, there’s no way he can avoid someone he lived with for very long. Sure he’s ashamed of himself but it’s not enough to keep him from trying to make sure Prompto knows that he knows what he wants when it comes to him.]

Where are you? We should talk about this in person.
I don’t like how this feels...

[ And in that span of a few hours, when it's clear that Nero isn't going to message him back, Prompto... well. He sorts through all of their things and cleans their apartment. He'd never been particular about it, not so much a neat freak either, but the moving helps burn off the anxiety that comes from wanting to obsessively check his phone. Then, when he's done with that and still feels as if he has more energy to expend, he changes into some yoga pants and a light jacket to run.

He's in the middle of cooling down when he gets those alerts and frowns at the messages. ]

level 2 somewhere
went for a run
i'll head back to our place if you wanna meet me

Yeah, I’ll meet you there.

[He grabs a cheeseburger and fries to go as something of a peace offering before heading back to their place. On the way he formulates and rejects at least a dozen ways to apologize, but when he’s actually letting himself inside he’s no closer to knowing what he’ll say than when he left.]

You here yet? I brought you some food.

[ Prompto doesn't respond, deciding to take his time getting back, but even that doesn't have him losing to Nero, wandering into the kitchen for water as he sits and tries to catch his breath. He's sweaty, in definite need of a shower, and yet, he doesn't move from his seat even when he hears the door open and Nero's voice echo through their place.

This is such a stupid thing to be upset about; he doesn't even know why this is happening. ]

Yeah, in here. [ He calls out, taking another drink and making an effort to joke. ] Something light I hope...

Have you ever known me to do anything lightly?

[He puts the paper bag onto Prompro’s lap and takes a seat right next to him. Nero’s not bothered by sweat in the least. Especially not when he has something important he desperately wants to say.]

When I said I didn’t know what I wanted.. I wanted to make it clear that I want you. I always have and that won’t change. My brain just goes to weird places and I have a hard time seeing the obvious. I know you were happy with me. I shouldn’t have questioned that.

[He has a lot of buts and howevers, but this wasn’t the time for them. His insecurities shouldn’t have been the kindling to the fire of his baseless assumptions.]

Anyway, I was wrong, and an asshole. So I’m sorry..

[ Ah... there it is. Prompto exhales, moving the bag to plop it on the counter next to his water. At least they're talking about this and not letting it build and build between them so that it eventually cascaded and affected V too. A shake of his head, and he's on his feet to press into Nero's personal space, sliding his arms around his shoulders.

Yeah, sorry, he's pretty sweaty, but he's going to kiss him anyway. ]

I never thought that you didn't want me. I think... I guess I thought this thing with V would've been something you'd really wanna explore and not get worked up about. [ He kisses the corner of his mouth. ] If you need some time to think about it, I'll talk to V.

[ It's the least he could do, fingers raking through Nero's hair. ]

I'm sorry too.

[Nero's personal space is half Prompto's as far as he's concerned. He doesn't mind the closeness at all, but he's more aware of the sweat now that Prompto is this close. Doesn't make him any less willing to pull his boyfriend onto his lap, though.]

I think it sounds good on paper, but I don't know if I'm worth the trouble of it all. [Which is not to say he doesn't want to try. He just doesn't know if he's mentally strong enough to manage. The last thing he wants to do is ruin his friendship with V or whatever there might be between V and Prompto. It was painful to admit, but it might save him from ruining it for other people.]

Yeah. I have to think about a lot of things. I want to try for you, but if this isn't for you then I'm not so sure.

[Prompto's apology takes his from the track he was going down, but he interrupts to shake his head.] No, it's fine. There's not really anything you need to be sorry about.

[ Is this what it's like to deal with him when he's insecure? Prompto isn't exactly sure it's that though, sliding into Nero's lap and resting his forehead on his shoulder for a moment. He needs to think too, especially since his run hadn't solved anything, and he leans into him, listening to the sound of his voice. ]

You should try for you too. And it's not a set in stone thing anyway. You know that, right? [ Prompto shifts to look at Nero. ] If it doesn't work out, then we'll deal with that when it happens. It's just about having fun and seeing where it goes. [ A soft kiss, and their noses bump. ] Anything else you wanna get off your chest?

[ His fingers slip down, lightly playing with the collar of Nero's shirt. ]

I mean, if there's other stuff bothering you...

[It's not anything like that!! Then again Nero is a little obsessed with his boyfriend if he's honest with himself. So the moments when Prompto feels insecure it makes him feel needed to be able to help him. Or to be depended on in any way, really.

On the other hand when he's being insecure, he clearly has a tendency to say things that would easily hurt the feelings of the person that's both stated and proven that his presumptions are categorically false. Nero's brain was just in need of retraining.]

Yeah, I know. [He tilts his head back a little when Prompto kisses him, closing his eyes for a moment. There is a lot on his mind, but it's all stuff he has to think through on his own. His hands run along his boyfriend's thighs for a moment before he shakes his head and takes off his shirt.]

I just get weird when I think I might lose you. Do you forgive me? [When he's shirtless and their faces are this close, it's very obviously a loaded question.]

[ Honestly, Prompto has no idea what's even happening right now, squirming a little in Nero's lap with those touches and wondering if he should protest Nero stripping him out of his shirt. He's sitting in his lap in nothing but a thin pair of yoga pants and socks, and he's asking about forgiveness? Loaded question or not, Prompto just stays still and looks at him. ]

Who're you gonna lose me to? This isn't just a me and V thing. It's an all of us thing. [ He gently pokes his chest, shifting forward to kiss the other side of his mouth. ] That means you too.

[ There's a low sigh. ]

But it's okay. I'm not mad at you or anything. [ So yes, he's forgiven. ]

[If Prompto did protest, Nero would stop, no questions asked. After all the energy between them not so long ago was turbulent at least. His hands feel that his boyfriend's body is still a little sweaty when there's no shirt in the way. When it takes a moment for him to respond to the question, Nero pauses, dabbing at the blond's chest and shoulders like he's only thinking about getting his sweat off. It's probably the best option to save face if it turns out he's not into it at the moment.]

I think I'm just slow... My brain still wants to think of him as competition. Even if that's an outdated feeling. I think it's gonna take time to replace that with new, less insecure, good things. I mean, there's other good things too--I still like him. I just.. [He shakes his head, not knowing if he's even making sense until Prompto kisses him.]

Not at all? [Nero asks, making sure because the next thing he does is pull off his own shirt before drawing his boyfriend into another kiss.] I've never done this three person thing before.

[ Prompto shrugs, leaning into his hand as he wipes the sweat off and paying more attention to the words than the actual motion. At least for now. ]

I've never done it either. I think the biggest thing is trying to trust each other and talk about it though. And sure, I have feelings for V [ and a lot of other people ] but I also care about you too, Nero. A lot. [ Prompto sinks into the kiss for a moment, shifting to press a little closer, and if he wasn't so used to Nero's antics in trying to get him casually naked, he'd probably be worried. ] So – try not to let it get to you too much, okay? I don't think we wanna hurt each other doing this.

[ That's the impression he'd gotten from V when they'd spoken alone and together, which is what he hopes Nero comes away with. But for now, Prompto gives in and slides his arms around him, straddling him so he can press his knees into the outer side of Nero's thighs. He kisses his neck and shoulder, along his collarbone to the other shoulder and nuzzles into him. ]

ic contact ( prismatica )

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i’m sorry lmao

yeets self off a cliff

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